It was embarrassing. If it had happened in my office it would have been funny, and maybe a bit uncomfortable. I’m sure everyone would have had a good laugh, and then got on with their day. Heck it might have helped morale…

But I ripped my pants in our new client’s office boardroom. Oh it was dreadful. I’d worn a new suit jacket that only really matched my oldest blue pants that didn’t fit me anymore. And there, surrounded by important strangers, as I got up to use the bathroom I heard it – and then something didn’t feel quite right.

When I sat back down to survey the problem I realized my pants were split in the middle! With a bit more exploring I soon discovered my crotch now sported a five inch rip all the way around and up my backside. There was no way I was going to be able to conceal this tragedy, and no way I could manage in these ventilated slacks for the rest of the day - I needed a new pair of trousers.

Fortunately my assistant, God’s only witness to this entire fiasco, is a very clever young woman with a wireless computer. While the keynote speaker droned on about fiscal responsibility, she booted up her system and ran a local search program called Poynt on Microsoft® Windows Live™ Messenger to determine my list of immediate options. Obviously I would need new pants, and as I waited, she used Poynt to actualize the remedy for my wardrobe woes.

Once on Microsoft® Windows Live™ Messenger, my assistant opened her contact list and clicked on ‘poynt@live.com’, whereupon she entered the address of the building to default our location. Next she typed the letters ‘yp’ to indicate that she would like to search the yellow pages. Immediately after typing the word ‘pants’, several garment businesses were instantly presented - most within a five block radius. The best option was men’s clothiers called Wart’s .02 kilometers south (one block), and this was the phone number and address she wrote on my wrist.

When the meeting adjourned for a break, I was able to get up and leave with everyone else before anyone noticed the breach in my bottom. Having studied my assistant’s computer screen, I’d memorized the Microsoft Virtual Earth map, so I knew exactly which direction to run when I found myself surrounded by wide eyed pedestrians on the street. Armed with the telephone number, I was also able to call ahead a reserve a salesman for immediate assistance. He had several pairs of dark blue dress pants in my size waiting for me when I arrived, red faced and out of breath, moments later.